Conflict Management Styles Quiz
Source: Reginald (Reg) Adkins, PhD, Elemental Truths
http://elementaltruths.blogspot.com/2006/11/conflict-management-quiz.html
We each have our own way of dealing with conflict. The techniques we use are based on many variables such a
our basic underlying temperament, our personality, our environment and where we are in our professional
career. However, by and large there are five major styles of conflict management techniques in our tool box. In
order to address conflict we draw from a collaborating, competing, avoiding, harmonizing or compromising
style of management. None of these strategies is superior in and of itself. How effective they are depends on
the context in which they are used.
Each statement below provides a strategy for dealing with a conflict. Rate each statement on a scale of 1 to 4
indicating how likely you are to use this strategy.
1 = Rarely 2 = Sometimes 3 = Often 4 = Always
Be sure to answer the questions indicating how you would behave rather than how you think you should
behave.
1. I explore issues with others so as to find solutions that meet everyone’s needs. _______
2. I try to negotiate and adopt a give-and-take approach to problem situations. _______
3. I try to meet the expectations of others. _______
4. I would argue my case and insist on the merits of my point of view. _______
5. When there is a disagreement, I gather as much information as I can and keep the
lines of communication open. _______
6. When I find myself in an argument, I usually say very little and try to leave as soon
as possible. _______
7. I try to see conflicts from both sides. What do I need? What does the other person
Need? What are the issues involved? _______
8. I prefer to compromise when solving problems and just move on. _______
9. I find conflicts challenging and exhilarating; I enjoy the battle of wits that usually follows. _______
10. Being at odds with other people makes me feel uncomfortable and anxious. _______
11. I try to accommodate the wishes of my friends and family. _______
12. I can figure out what needs to be done and I am usually right. _______
13. To break deadlocks, I would meet people halfway. _______
14. I may not get what I want but it’s a small price to pay for keeping the peace. _______
15. I avoid hard feelings by keeping my disagreements with others to myself. _______
How to score the Conflict Management Quiz:
As stated, the 15 statements correspond to the five conflict resolution styles. To find your most preferred style,
total the points in the respective categories. The one with the highest score indicates your most commonly used
strategy. The one with the lowest score indicates your least preferred strategy. However, if you are a leader
who must deal with conflict on a regular basis, you may find your style to be a blend of styles.
Style Corresponding Statements: Total:
Collaborating: 1, 5, 7 _______
Competing: 4, 9, 12 _______
Avoiding: 6, 10, 15 _______
Harmonizing: 3, 11, 14 _______
Compromising: 2, 8, 13 _______
Brief Descriptions of the Five Conflict Management Styles
Collaborating Style: Problems are solved in ways in which an optimum result is provided for all involved.
Both sides get what they want and negative feelings are minimized.
Pros: Creates mutual trust; maintains positive relationships; builds commitments.
Cons: Time consuming; energy consuming.
Competing Style: Authoritarian approach.
Pros: Goal oriented; quick.
Cons: May breed hostility.
Avoiding Style: The non-confrontational approach.
Pros: Does not escalate conflict; postpones difficulty.
Cons: Unaddressed problems; unresolved problems.
Harmonizing Style: Giving in to maintain relationships.
Pros: Minimizes injury when we are outmatched; relationships are maintained.
Cons: Breeds resentment; exploits the weak.
Compromising Style: The middle ground approach.
Pros: Useful in complex issues without simple solutions; all parties are equal in power.
Cons: No one is ever really satisfied; less than optimal solutions get implemented.
Conflict is a normal and necessary part of healthy relationships. After all, two people can’t be expected to agree on everything at all times. Therefore, learning how to deal with conflict—rather than avoiding it—is crucial.
When conflict is mismanaged, it can harm the relationship. But when handled in a respectful and positive way, conflict provides an opportunity for growth, ultimately strengthening the bond between two people. By learning the skills you need for successful conflict resolution, you can face disagreements with confidence and keep your personal and professional relationships strong and growing.
Understanding conflict in relationships Conflict arises from differences. It occurs whenever people disagree over their values, motivations, perceptions, ideas, or desires. Sometimes these differences look trivial, but when a conflict triggers strong feelings, a deep personal need is at the core of the problem¾a need to feel safe and secure, a need to feel respected and valued, or a need for greater closeness and intimacy.
Conflicts arise from differing needs
Everyone needs to feel understood, nurtured, and supported, but the ways in which these needs are met vary widely. Differing needs for feeling comfortable and safe create some of the most severe challenges in our personal and professional relationships.
Think about the conflicting need for safety and continuity versus the need to explore and take risks. You frequently see this conflict between toddlers and their parents. The child’s need is to explore, so the street or the cliff meets a need. But the parents’ need is to protect the child’s safety, so limiting exploration becomes a bone of contention between them.
It is important to acknowledge that both parties’ needs play important roles in the long-term success of most relationships, and each deserves respect and consideration. In personal relationships, a lack of understanding about differing needs can result in distance, arguments, and break-ups. In workplace conflicts, differing needs are often at the heart of bitter disputes. When you can recognize the legitimacy of conflicting needs and become willing to examine them in an environment of compassionate understanding, it opens pathways to creative problem solving, team building, and improved relationships.
Conflict 101
- A conflict is more than just a disagreement. It is a situation in which one or both parties perceive a threat (whether or not the threat is real).
- Conflicts continue to fester when ignored. Because conflicts involve perceived threats to our well-being and survival, they stay with us until we face and resolve them.
- We respond to conflicts based on our perceptions of the situation, not necessarily to an objective review of the facts. Our perceptions are influenced by our life experiences, culture, values, and beliefs.
- Conflicts trigger strong emotions. If you aren’t comfortable with your emotions or able to manage them in times of stress, you won’t be able to resolve conflict successfully.
- Conflicts are an opportunity for growth. When you’re able to resolve conflict in a relationship, it builds trust. You can feel secure, knowing your relationship can survive challenges and disagreements.
Conflict may feel more threatening to you than it really is
Do you fear conflict or avoid it at all costs? If your perception of conflict comes from frightening or painful memories from previous unhealthy relationships or your early childhood, you may expect all present-day disagreements to end badly. You may view conflict in relationships as demoralizing, humiliating, dangerous, and something to fear. If your early life experiences also left you feeling out of control and powerless, conflict may even be traumatizing for you.
If you view conflict as dangerous, it tends to become a self-fulfilling prophecy. When you go into a conflict situation already feeling extremely threatened, it’s tough to deal with the problem at hand in a healthy way. Instead, you are more likely to shut down or blow up in anger.
| Healthy and unhealthy ways of managing and resolving conflict |
| Unhealthy responses to conflict: | Healthy responses to conflict |
- An inability to recognize and respond to the things that matter to the other person
- Explosive, angry, hurtful, and resentful reactions
- The withdrawal of love, resulting in rejection, isolation, shaming, and fear of abandonment
- An inability to compromise or see the other person’s side.
- The fear and avoidance of conflict; the expectation of bad outcomes
| - The capacity to recognize and respond to the things that matter to the other person
- Calm, non-defensive, and respectful reactions
- A readiness to forgive and forget, and to move past the conflict without holding resentments or anger
- The ability to seek compromise and avoid punishing
- A belief that facing conflict head is the best thing for both sides
|
Successful conflict resolution depends on your ability to regulate stress and your emotions
Conflict triggers strong emotions and can lead to hurt feelings, disappointment, and discomfort. When handled in an unhealthy manner, it can cause irreparable rifts, resentments, and break-ups. But when conflict is resolved in a healthy way, it increases our understanding of one another, builds trust, and strengthens our relationship bonds.
If you are out of touch with your feelings or so stressed that you can only pay attention to a limited number of emotions, you won’t be able to understand your own needs. If you don’t understand your needs, you will have a hard time communicating with others and staying in touch with what is really troubling you. For example, couples often argue about petty differences—the way she hangs the towels, the way he parts his hair—rather than what is really bothering them.
The ability to successfully resolve conflict depends on your ability to:
- Manage stress quickly while remaining alert and calm. By staying calm, you can accurately read and interpret verbal and nonverbal communication.
- Control your emotions and behavior. When you’re in control of your emotions, you can communicate your needs without threatening, frightening, or punishing others.
- Pay attention to the feelings being expressed as well as the spoken words of others.
- Be aware of and respectful of differences. By avoiding disrespectful words and actions, you can resolve the problem faster.
*Helpguide.org
Monday: Can you untangle yourselves? Chapter 11, p. 344. Group Conflict Scenarios
